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* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *







* A free and clean comedy newsletter sent *







* to e-mail subscribers five times a week *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *







*   Vol. 6, Issue 09: Thu, Sep. 21, 2000  *







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* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes















# I N  T O D A Y ' S  I S S U E















1. Management advice







2. Rules are rules















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# J O K E S  F O R  T O D A Y















1. Management advice















Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of







a large high tech corporation. The CEO who







was stepping down met with him privately and







presented him with three numbered envelopes:







#1,#2,#3.  "Open these if you run up against







a problem you don't think you can solve," the







departing CEO said. 















Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but







six months later, sales took a downturn and







Morris was really catching a lot of heat.







About at his wit's end, he remembered the







envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out







the first envelope. The message read, "Blame







your predecessor." 















Morris, the new CEO called a press conference







and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of







the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments,







the press -- and Wall Street -- responded







positively, sales began to pick up and the







problem was soon behind him. 















About a year later, the company was again







experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined







with serious product problems. Having learned







from his previous experience, the CEO quickly







opened the second envelope. The message read,







"Reorganize." This he did, and the company







quickly rebounded. 















After several consecutive profitable quarters,







the company once again fell on difficult times.







Morris went to his office, closed the door and







opened the third envelope. 















The message said, "Prepare three envelopes." 















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2. Rules are rules















Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered







two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches







from their briefcases and started to eat. 















The owner became quite concerned and marched







over and told them, "You can't eat your own







sandwiches in here!" 















The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged







their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches. 















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