* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *







* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *







* A free and clean comedy newsletter sent *







* to e-mail subscribers five times a week *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *







*   Vol. 5, Issue 4: Thu, Aug. 31, 2000   *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *







* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes















# I N  T O D A Y ' S  I S S U E















1. Leaving on a flight







2. New York City driving rules















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# J O K E S  F O R  T O D A Y















1. Leaving on a flight















Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern







Standard Time and Chicago on Central







Standard Time, Bob inquired at the







Indianapolis airport about a plane to







Chicago. 















"The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.,"







a ticket agent said, "and  arrives in







Chicago at 1:01 p.m." 















"Would you repeat that, please?" Bob







asked. 















The agent did so and then inquired, "Do







you want a reservation?" 















"No," said Bob, "But I think I'll hang







around and watch that thing take off." 















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2. New York city driving rules















1. Turn signals will give away your next







move. A real Long Island driver never uses







them. Use of them in Massapequa may be







illegal. 















2. Under no circumstances should you leave a







safe distance between you and the car in







front of you, or the space will be filled in







by somebody else putting you in an even more







dangerous situation. 















3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single







lane-change is considered "going with the







flow." 















4. The faster you drive through a red light,







the smaller the chance you have of getting







hit. 















5. Never get in the way of an older car that







needs extensive bodywork. 















6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as







possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in,







giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the







brake pedal pulsates. For those of you







without ABS,it's a chance to stretch your







legs. 















7. Electronic traffic warning signs are not







there to provide useful information. They







are only there to make Long Island look







high-tech, and to distract you from seeing







the state police radar car parked on the 







median. 















8. Never pass on the left when you can pass







on the right. 















9. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given







only as suggestions, and are apparently not







enforceable during rush hour. 















10. Always slow down and rubberneck when you







see an accident, or even if someone is just







changing a tire. 















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