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You are in California
You Know You're In California When...
- The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
- You were born somewhere else.
- You know how to eat an artichoke.
- The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
- Your car has bulletproof windows.
- Left is right and right is wrong.
- Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
- Your mouse has only one ball.
- You need a new TV, you can run down to the local riot and pick one up.
- You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.
- You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.
- You drive to your neighborhood block party.
- Your family tree contains 'significant others'.
- Your cat has it's own psychiatrist.
- You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.
- You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
- More than clothes come out of the closets.
- When 'the Dead' are best live.
- You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-spouse.
- More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
- Smoking in your office is not optional.
- When you can't schedule a meeting because you must 'do lunch'.
- Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
- Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
- You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
- You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
- A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.
- When all highways into the state say: 'no fruits'.
- All highways out of the state say: 'Go back'.
- You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
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