Dumb Massachusetts Laws

Dumb Massachusetts Laws

Dumb Massachusetts laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

 Location: Clean Jokes > Stupid Laws > Massachusetts

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Massachusetts Jokes

Massachusetts Crazy Law

  • Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.

  • Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

    Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
  • Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.

  • No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.

  • Bullets may not be used as currency.

  • Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.

  • Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.

  • It's illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a public road. (MGL Chapter 129 Section 35)

  • Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.

  • Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.

  • It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.

  • At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.

  • Public boxing matches are outlawed.

  • It is unlawful to injure a football goal post, doing so is punishable by a $200 fine.

  • It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city unless there are 2 exits. (MGL Chapter 272 section 86)

  • It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color. (MGL Chapter 272 Section 80D)

  • It's illegal to allow someone to use stilts while working on the construction of a building. (MGL Chapter 149 Section 129B)

  • Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine.

  • It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.

  • An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.

  • All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday. (Repealed)

  • Tattooing and body piercing is illegal. (Repealed October 2000)

  • Quakers and witches are banned.

  • Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.

  • It is illegal to reproach Jesus Christ or the holy ghost. (MGL Chapter 272 section 36)


  • No one may take a bath without a prescription.

  • It is illegal for any citizen to own more than three dogs.

  • An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday.

  • Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that the Governor is present.

  • Women may not wear heels over 3 inches in length while on the common.

  • Anyone may let their sheep and cows graze in the public gardens/commons at any time except Sundays.

  • No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city.

  • No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in case of bears.

  • It is illegal to play the fiddle.

  • Two people may not kiss in front of a church.

  • It is illegal to eat peanuts in church.


  • You may not walk around with a "drink".


  • It is illegal to shake carpets in the street, or to throw orange peels on the sidewalk (section 12.16.100).

  • It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football games in a public park on a Sunday. (section 12.20.030)


  • You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from Main Street. Only white lights may be visible.

  • If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must be approved by the historical society.


  • Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are prohibited.


  • It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.


  • One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city.

  • Silly string is illegal in the city limits.

  • It is illegal for any citizen to own more than two dogs.

  • It is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun.


  • Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.


  • All families must be given a hog from the town's mayor.

    North Andover

  • An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.


  • In bars, it is actually illegal to "walk around" with a beer in your hand. (Repealed)

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