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Top Ten Signs The Concert You're Attending Is Not The Real Woodstock

From "Late Show with David Letterman" on Tuesday, August 9, 1994

10. It's hosted by Ed McMahon.

9. "Amplifiers" are just enormous dixie cups.

8. Every song contains a plug for Green Giant frozen vegetables.

7. You're asked to put on a hat and sunglasses and the next thing you know, you're being introduced as Bob Dylan.

6. One word: polkas.

5. Guy sitting next to you brought a glove and has caught three foul balls.

4. "Santana" turns out to be a jolly bearded guy with a sackful of presents.

3. They're playing "May we turn the hose on you, please?" [All night Dave sprayed the crowd which gathers outside for each night's show with a hose.]

2. You spot Rush Limbaugh stage-diving.

1. The crowd is chanting, "Tito! Tito! Tito!"