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Vending Machine

After many unhappy replies from our current

vending service we decided that what they

really needed was a different form letter

that was more closely tied to their true


BFD Vending Service

Thank you for your inquiry/comments/complaints

about our vending service.

___ We are aware that _____________ machine

has not been stocked in _____ days.

__ We are waiting for the weekend.

__ We are out of items that have expired.

__ We're busy, don't bother us about this.

__ We don't care.

___ We are aware that the price for _______

seems high at $_______ but,

__ we have to make a living.

__ we use an algorithm 3*retail+your_age.

__ we charge others more.

__ we adjust it to allow for spoilage.

___ We are aware that

__ the sodas are warm

__ the milk is curdled

__ sandwiches are stale

__ gum is hard

__ candy bars are petrified

and assure you that that is

the way it is supposed to be, really.

___ We understand that

__ the bill changer can't,

__ coin return won't,

__ product selection doesn't,

and believe that

__ you should relax, it all evens out.

__ learn to live with it.

__ bring in your own change next time.

__ be happy it gave you anything.

__ quit eating so much junk food.

Thank you and Happy Eating.