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 Ten things to say about gifts you don't like10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit.
 9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.
 
  8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.
 
 7. Well, well, well...
 
 6. I really don't deserve this.
 
 5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!
 
 4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.
 
 3. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
 
 2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.
 
 1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity.
 
 
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