North Carolina Jokes

North Carolina Jokes

North Carolina jokes and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

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North Carolina Jokes

North Carolina Jokes

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

2000 Federal Census for North Carolina

Last name: ________________ 

First name: (Check appropriate box) 

(_) Billy-Bob 

(_) Billy-Joe 

(_) Billy-Ray

(_) Billy-Sue 

(_) Billy-Mae 

(_) Billy-Jack 

What does everyone call you?

(_) Booger 

(_) Bubba 

(_) Junior 

(_) Sissy 

(_) Other___________________ 

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess) 


____ M

_____ F

_____ Not sure 

Shoe Size:

____ Left 

____ Right 

Occupation: (Check appropriate box) 

(_) Farmer

(_) Mechanic 

(_) Hair Dresser 

(_) Unemployed 

(_) Dirty Politician 

(_) Preacher 

Spouse's Name:_________________________ 

2nd Spouse's Name:_____________________ 

3rd Spouse's Name:_____________________ 

Lover's Name:__________________________ 

Relationship with spouse: (Check appropriate box) 

(_) Sister

(_) Brother 

(_) Aunt 

(_) Uncle 

(_) Cousin 

(_) Mother 

(_) Father 

(_) Son 

(_) Daughter 

(_) Pet 

Number of children living in household: _____ 

Number of children living in shed: ______ 

Number that are yours: ______ 

Mother's Name: _______________________ 

(If not sure, leave blank) 

Father's Name: _______________________ 

(If not sure, leave blank) 

Education: 1 2 3 4 

(Circle highest grade completed) 

Do you 

(_) own or 

(_) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) 

Total number of vehicles you own: ___ 

Number of vehicles that still crank: ___ 

Number of vehicles in front yard: ___ 

Number of vehicles in back yard: ___ 

Number of vehicles on cement blocks: ___ 

Firearms you own and where you keep them: 

____ truck 

____ bedroom 

____ bathroom 

____ kitchen 

____ shed 

Model and year of your pickup: 196___ 

Do you have a gun rack? 

(_) Yes 

(_) No; If no, please explain: 

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: 

(_) The National Enquirer 

(_) The Globe 

(_) TV Guide 

(_) Soap Opera Digest 

(_) Rifle and Shotgun 

Number of times you've seen a UFO:_____ 

Number of times in the last 5 years you've seen Elvis:_____ 

Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO:_____ 

How often do you bathe: 

(_) Weekly 

(_) Monthly 

(_) Not Applicable 

Color of eyes: 



Color of hair: 

(_) Blond 

(_) Black 

(_) Red

(_) Brown 

(_) White 

(_) Clairol 

Color of teeth: 

(_) Yellow 

(_) Brownish-Yellow 

(_) Brown 

(_) Black 

(_) N/A 

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: 


How far is your home from a paved road? 

(_) 1 mile 

(_) 2 miles 

(_) just a whoop-and-a-holler 

(_) road? 

Dumb North Carolina Laws

  • It's against the law to sing off key.
  • Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.
  • If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
  • All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.
  • A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.


  • Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited.

    Chapel Hill

  • It is a misdemeanor to urinate or defecate publicly.


  • Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.

    Elon College

  • There is to be no rollerblading during daylight hours, on the roads, or on the bricks. All the sidewalks at this college are made of brick. (Repealed in 1998)

    Forest City

  • You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town.


  • Restaurants "with on sidewalk dining" must post their menu so that it is clearly readable from the sidewalk, but is not readable from the street.


  • Massage parlors have been banned.

    Kill Devil Hills

  • You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.

    Rocky Mount

  • It is required that you must pay a property tax on your dog.

    Southern Shores

  • It is against the law to rollerblade on a state highway.


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