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* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *
* A free and clean comedy newsletter sent *
* to e-mail subscribers five times a week *
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*   Vol. 4, Issue 3: Wed, Aug. 16, 2000   *
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* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes

# I N  T O D A Y ' S  I S S U E

1. An overturned wagon
2. Before and after marriage
3. You're really broke

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# J O K E S  F O R  T O D A Y

1. An overturned wagon

A farm boy accidentally overturned his
wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer
that lived nearby came to investigate.
"Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget
your troubles for a while and come and
have dinner with us. Then I'll help you
overturn the wagon." 

"That's very nice of you," Willis
answered, "but I don't think Dad would
like me to." 

"Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted. 

"Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but
Dad won't like it." 

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked
the host. "I feel a lot better now, but
I know Dad's going to be real upset." 

"Don't be silly!" said the neighbor.
"By the way, where is he?" 

"Under the wagon," replied Willis.

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2. Before and after marriage

Before marriage - You take my breath
away
After marriage - I feel like I'm
suffocating 

Before marriage - She says she loves
the way I take control of the situation 
After marriage - She called me a
controlling, manipulative egomaniac 

Before marriage - Saturday Night Fever 
After marriage - Monday Night Football 

Before marriage - He makes me feel like
a million dollars 
After marriage - If I had a dime for
every stupid thing he's done... 

Before marriage - The Sound of Music 
After marriage - The Sound of Silence 

Before marriage - It's like I'm in a dream 
After marriage - It's like he's in a dorm 

Before marriage - $60/dozen 
After marriage - $1.50/stem 

Before marriage - We agree on everything! 
After marriage - Doesn't she have a mind
of her own? 

Before marriage - Charming and Noble 
After marriage - Chernobyl 

Before marriage - Ideal 
After marriage - Idle 

Before marriage - I love a woman with
curves 
A- I never said you were fat 

Before marriage - He's completely lost
without me 
After marriage - Why won't he ever ask
for directions? 

Before marriage - Time stood still 
After marriage - This relationship is
going nowhere 

Before marriage - Croissant and cappuccino 
After marriage - Bagel and instant 

Before marriage - Blind 
After marriage - Nearsighted 

Before marriage - You look so seductive in
black 
After marriage - Your clothes are so
depressing 

Before marriage - Iambic Pentameter 
After marriage - Blank Verse 

Before marriage - Oysters 
After marriage - Fishsticks 

Before marriage - I can hardly believe we
found each other 
After marriage - I can't believe I ended up
with someone like you

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3. You're really broke

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave
home without it!" 

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking
a deep breath outside a restaurant. You're
formulating a plan to rob the food bank. 

3. You've rolled so many pennies, you've
formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln. 

4. Long distance companies don't call you
to switch anymore. 

5. You look at your roommate and see a large
fried chicken in tennis shoes.

6. You finally clean your house, hoping
to find change. 

7. You think of a lottery ticket as an
investment. 

8. Your bologna has no first name. 

9. You give blood everyday ... just for
the orange juice. 

10. Sally Struther's sends you food. 

11. McDonald's supplies you with all your
kitchen condiments. 

12. At communion you go back for seconds.

13. Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul.

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# S I T E  L I N K S

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Contact: Webmaster@AhaJokes.com