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* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *







* A free and clean comedy newsletter sent *







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*   Vol. 2, Issue 6: Mon, Jul. 31, 2000   *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 







* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes















# I N  T O D A Y ' S  I S S U E















1. What is your name?







2. End of the year grading







3. Tourist in Vienna















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# J O K E S  F O R  T O D A Y















1. What is your name?















Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is







fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants,







shops, signs and banners.  He turns a corner







and sees a building with the sign, "Hans







Olaffsen's Laundry."















"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck







does that fit in here?"  So he walks into







the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman







behind the counter.















The tourist asks, "How did this place get a







name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"















The old man answers, "Is name of owner."















The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is







the owner?"















"Me, is right here," replies the old man.















"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans







Olaffsen?"















"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many







year ago when come to this country, was







stand in line at Documentation Center. Man







in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look







at him and go, "What your name?"















He say, "Hans Olaffsen."















Then she look at me and go, 'What your







name?'"















"I say, Sem Ting."















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2. End of the year grading















A professor stood before his class of twenty







senior organic biology students, about to







hand out the final exam. 















"I want to say that it's been a pleasure







teaching you this semester. I know you've







all worked extremely hard and many of you are







off to medical school after summer. So that







no one gets their GPA messed up because they







might have been celebrating a bit too much







this week, anyone who would like to opt out







of the final exam today will receive a "B"







for the course." 















There was much rejoicing amongst the class







as students got up, passed by the professor







to thank him and sign out on his offer. As







the last taker left the room, the professor







looked out over the handful of remaining







students and asked, "Any one else? This is







your last chance."  One more student rose







up and took the offer. 















The professor closed the door and took







attendance of those students remaining. "I'm







glad to see you believe in yourself." he said. 















"You all get "A's."















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3. Tourist in Vienna















A tourist in Vienna is going through a







graveyard and all of a sudden he hears







some music. No one is around, so he starts







searching for the source.















He finally locates the origin and finds it







is coming from a grave with a headstone







that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827.







Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth







Symphony and it is being played backwards!







Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and







persuades a friend to return with him.















By the time they arrive back at the grave,







the music has changed.  This time it is the







Seventh Symphony, but like the previous







piece, it is being played backwards.















Curious, the men agree to consult a music







scholar. When they return with the expert,







the Fifth Symphony is playing, again







backwards.















The expert notices that the symphonies are







being played in the reverse order in which







they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th,







then the 5th. By the next day the word has







spread and a throng has gathered around the







grave.















They are all listening to the Second







Symphony being played backwards. Just then,







the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the







group.















Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an







explanation for the music. "Oh, it's nothing







to worry about" says the caretaker.















"He's just decomposing!"















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