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* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *







* A free and clean comedy newsletter sent *







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*    Vol. 1, Issue 9: Thu, Jul. 20, 2000  *







* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 







* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes















# I N  T O D A Y ' S  I S S U E







# Newsletter summary: Puns!















1. The stained clothes







2. Try joining the Mafia







3. Pigeon flying in sky















# J O K E S  F O R  T O D A Y















1. The stained clothes















The other day I was eating in an Italian







restaurant when I accidentally spilled







some spaghetti sauce on my favorite white







sweater.















I wasn't too distressed, though, because







Mr. Wong down on High Street has been







doing my laundry for years, and I knew







that he could remove just about any stain







and get it out like it'd never been there.















So I took the sweater down to Wong's







Laundry and dropped it off; Mr. Wong said







he'd probably be able to have it cleaned







by Thursday. So on Thursday afternoon







after work I stopped by Wong's again.















Mr. Wong looked quite distressed when he







saw me. He brought out the sweater and,







apologizing profusely, explained that







somehow this stain was beyond even his







power to expunge.















And sure enough, though fainter than







before, there was still a distinct red







stain on the sweater. In an attempt to







make up for his failure, Mr. Wong







offered to send the sweater to his







brother across town, who had been in







the laundry business for an even longer







time, and who might have a clue as to







the method of removal of this







extraordinarily persistent stain.















The elder Wong brother would rush it







through at no extra charge, and should







have it looking as white and clean as







new by Friday. So on Friday I went back







to Wong's to pick up my sweater, but







when I arrived, Mr. Wong regretfully







informed me that his brother, too, had







failed to remove the red blotch. "No







charge," said Wong, "but you must take







sweater elsewhere to clean.















The Moral of the story: Two Wongs







cannot make a white." 















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2. Try joining the Mafia















This guy, Artie, gets tired of working







so hard and not getting anywhere, and







seeing all these guys in the Mafia in







their fine three piece suits and fancy







cars, decides that he has to join the







Mafia.















He goes up to one of the guys and says,







"I want to join the Mafia."















The guy answers, " You ever kill any one







for money?"















Artie answers, "No."















The guy says, " Well, you either got to







be born into the mafia, or you gotta







kill somebody for money."















So Artie says, " How much will you







pay me?"















The guy says, " I'm not gonna pay you."















Artie says, " C'mon, just pay me a







dollar so I can get in."















The guy says, " Okay, I'll tell you







what. You kill somebody, tell me about







it, and if I see it in the morning







paper, I'll pay you a dollar."















Artie says, " Oh thank you, thank







you!" and heads off on his mission.







He goes to Ralphs Supermarket, sees an







old lady pushing a cart, and decides







that she's lived a full life, goes up







to her, grabs her round the neck and







chokes her to death.















The bag boy sees him, and chases after







him. Artie realizes that he can't out







run the bag boy, turns around, grabs







the bag boy by the neck and chokes







him to death.















In the morning paper the headlines







read, " ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR







AT RALPHS!"















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3. Pigeon flying in sky















But baby pigeon said, "I can't make







it; I'll get too tired." His mother







said, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece







of string to one of your legs and







the other end to mine." 















The baby started to cry.















"What's wrong?" said the mother.















"I don't want to be pigeon towed!"















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