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* Welcome to the Laughing Gas Newsletter! *



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*    Vol. 1, Issue 9: Thu, Jul. 20, 2000  *



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* Joke newsletter issued by Aha! Jokes







# I N  T O D A Y ' S  I S S U E



# Newsletter summary: Puns!







1. The stained clothes



2. Try joining the Mafia



3. Pigeon flying in sky







# J O K E S  F O R  T O D A Y







1. The stained clothes







The other day I was eating in an Italian



restaurant when I accidentally spilled



some spaghetti sauce on my favorite white



sweater.







I wasn't too distressed, though, because



Mr. Wong down on High Street has been



doing my laundry for years, and I knew



that he could remove just about any stain



and get it out like it'd never been there.







So I took the sweater down to Wong's



Laundry and dropped it off; Mr. Wong said



he'd probably be able to have it cleaned



by Thursday. So on Thursday afternoon



after work I stopped by Wong's again.







Mr. Wong looked quite distressed when he



saw me. He brought out the sweater and,



apologizing profusely, explained that



somehow this stain was beyond even his



power to expunge.







And sure enough, though fainter than



before, there was still a distinct red



stain on the sweater. In an attempt to



make up for his failure, Mr. Wong



offered to send the sweater to his



brother across town, who had been in



the laundry business for an even longer



time, and who might have a clue as to



the method of removal of this



extraordinarily persistent stain.







The elder Wong brother would rush it



through at no extra charge, and should



have it looking as white and clean as



new by Friday. So on Friday I went back



to Wong's to pick up my sweater, but



when I arrived, Mr. Wong regretfully



informed me that his brother, too, had



failed to remove the red blotch. "No



charge," said Wong, "but you must take



sweater elsewhere to clean.







The Moral of the story: Two Wongs



cannot make a white." 







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2. Try joining the Mafia







This guy, Artie, gets tired of working



so hard and not getting anywhere, and



seeing all these guys in the Mafia in



their fine three piece suits and fancy



cars, decides that he has to join the



Mafia.







He goes up to one of the guys and says,



"I want to join the Mafia."







The guy answers, " You ever kill any one



for money?"







Artie answers, "No."







The guy says, " Well, you either got to



be born into the mafia, or you gotta



kill somebody for money."







So Artie says, " How much will you



pay me?"







The guy says, " I'm not gonna pay you."







Artie says, " C'mon, just pay me a



dollar so I can get in."







The guy says, " Okay, I'll tell you



what. You kill somebody, tell me about



it, and if I see it in the morning



paper, I'll pay you a dollar."







Artie says, " Oh thank you, thank



you!" and heads off on his mission.



He goes to Ralphs Supermarket, sees an



old lady pushing a cart, and decides



that she's lived a full life, goes up



to her, grabs her round the neck and



chokes her to death.







The bag boy sees him, and chases after



him. Artie realizes that he can't out



run the bag boy, turns around, grabs



the bag boy by the neck and chokes



him to death.







In the morning paper the headlines



read, " ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A DOLLAR



AT RALPHS!"







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3. Pigeon flying in sky







But baby pigeon said, "I can't make



it; I'll get too tired." His mother



said, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece



of string to one of your legs and



the other end to mine." 







The baby started to cry.







"What's wrong?" said the mother.







"I don't want to be pigeon towed!"







######################################



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