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Marriage Humor

One Wedding is a Tragedy. One Million Weddings are a Statistic

Forgive me for misquoting Stalin, this over-sung hero of the Soviet era, responsible for... but hey, I'm not here to make your skin crawl, but to entertain. So I will stop speaking of tragedies, and focus on something much happier - marriage. Ha ha ha. In fact, I'd like to foray a bit into the serious world, and take a better look at some real life statistics. They just happen to be as funny as a joke. So, let's dig into the stats published in Chrisanna Northrup's book, The Normal Bar, on our relationships with our significant others. (Note that the stats are based on the response of over 100,000 people all over the world).

Between the Sheets

According to the stats, 20% of the male respondents have lost the attraction toward their females - and I mean this in a biblical sense, of course - sometime after getting marries. Still, they say that they are perfectly happy in their relationship. These folks probably get an Xbox or a PlayStation, along with a large-screen TV among their wedding gifts, start playing, and never stop. Men, duh! Some of them surely find it a great idea to try their luck, and join Royal Vegas for awesome online casino games. They are probably captivated by the attractive bonuses and promotions the Royal Vegas has for its players, and can never let go. No wonder, if you ask me - the simplicity and straightforward nature of the Royal Vegas games is a refreshing change when you compare it with the complexity of women. No Royal Vegas slot will suddenly burst into tears, or throw a tantrum (filled with saucers flying toward their heads), after all. Besides, the cash for a new home doesn't make itself, right? The remaining 80% are dog lovers, you know, in a biblical sense. Don't misunderstand me - they are still heterosexual, but they prefer to approach their women from behind, while they stand on all fours. Of course, since this is the only position in which their view on the large-screen TV is not obstructed by anything. The last sheet-related statistic, I promise: for those men who are unhappy with their relationship, skin-to-skin action is the third most craved resource. The first two are probably shagging and banging...

Out of the sheets

Let's leave the dirty things aside for a while, and focus on more important things: relationships. According to the same stats, almost half of all men believe in love at first sight. Since their first sight is down the blouse, this is not a very big surprise, don't you think? Besides, although men love at first sight (down a decolletage), they prefer to see their women's other side when things get serious between the sheets (see above). And now seriously, let's leave the sheets for a while, and focus on serious things: politics. According to the statistics, 67% of all the couples participating in the survey said that their political views differ. So, more than half of the women wouldn't touch Donald Trump, while the same percentage of men would rather carve their eyes out with a spoon than take a look down Hillary Clinton's decolletage. But they most likely agree that neither of them would prefer to see Bernie Sanders between their sheets...

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