Music Jokes

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, "I can do that!"


Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

A: Bach in the saddle again.


Q: How many bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to complain that it's electrified.


Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.


Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.


Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

A: Because he's Haydn!


Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?

A: A Chopin Liszt.


Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A: A pair of Re-bachs.


Q: What do you call a male quartet?

A: Three men and a tenor.


Where are we?

Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov, "Where are we?"

Rachmaninov said, "Carnegie Hall, sir!"


What's that sound?

A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by a low scratching noise, as if something was rubbing against a piece of paper.

She collars a passing native and asks what the scratching sound is.

The local person replies, "Oh, that is Beethoven. He's decomposing."


Arriving in Heaven

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.

St. Peter: Hi, what's your name?

Paul: My name is Paul.

St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?

Paul: 120K.

St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?

Paul: I was a lawyer.

St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name?

Roger: My name is Roger.

St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?

Roger: 60K.

St. Peter: Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?

Roger: I was an accountant.

St. Peter: That's very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name?

John: My name is John.

St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?

John: About $23,000.

St. Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you play?