Marriage Jokes

A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. -- Guitry


Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't. -- Borge


Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.


An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. -- Agatha Christie


And I shall love thee still my dear, Until my wife is wise.


Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.


Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates


Correction: Instead of being arrested, as we stated, for kicking his wife down a flight of stairs and hurling a lighted kerosene lamp after her, the Rev. James P. Wellman died unmarried four years ago.