Lightbulb Jokes

Q: How many Kennedy assassination conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 15--One to screw it in, five to say he acted alone, one to say that someone hidden in the ceiling helped, one to film it, one to do an intense examination of the film and conclude that a) it was tampered with and b) it proves that the first screwer did not act alone, one to insist that the bulb was altered after it was unscrewed, three tramps to walk across the room an hour later, one to insist LBJ really screwed the bulb in, and one to accuse all the others of being disinformation specialists.




Q: How many aides does it take to change President Reagan's light bulb?

A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.




Q: How many Reagans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: What light bulb?

Note: Topical to Reagan's apparent poor memory.




Q: How many Reaganists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Ten: One to deny that the bulb is burned out, one to clarify the denial ("The bulb is really just dim"), one to blame the bulb burning out on the Carter administration, one to blame the bulb burning out on Congress, one to ask for a Constitutional amendment that will prohibit bulbs from burning out, one to replace the bulb with a kerosene lamp, one to borrow money from the Japanese to pay for the kerosene, one former Reaganist to lobby his old colleagues for a special favour for the kerosene importer, one to cash the cheque for investing in the kerosene importer, one to send the bill to the next generation.




Q: How many election canvassers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They'd just go round telling everyone that it's time for a change but the only way this can come about is if everyone votes for "New lightbulb."




Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.




Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, the old bulb is just suffering from a cold.




Q: How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That's a military secret.