Lightbulb Jokes

Q: How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, but don't expect results.




Q: How many European ballet dancers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, they like Danzig in the dark.




Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.




Q: How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two--one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.


Note: Cornell is stereotyped as the most stressful of the Ivies.




Q: How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Seventy six-one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right not to change and twenty five to hold a counter protest.


Note : Columbia was the most politically active of the ivies back in the 1960s.




Q: How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None--New Haven looks better in the dark!


Note: If you have ever been to New Haven, you'll know it really does.




Q: How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: One--and that's what his degree will be in!


Note: Because Brown has no real core curriculum.




Q: How many Penn students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, but he'll make sure it's on his resume.


Note: Penn is seen as being a little less academically rigorous than the others, and it's very preprofessional.