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Illinois Jokes

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Dumb Illinois Laws

You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.

You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.

You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.

The English language is not to be spoken.


Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.

It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.

Kites may not be flown within the city limits.

Spitting is forbidden

In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.

It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.

It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.


One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.


Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.


Cars may not be driven through the town.

Des Plaines

Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.


A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.


Bowling is forbidden.

It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.

It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.


It is unlawful for "negroes" to be within county boundries from sundown to sunrise.


It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.


There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.


It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.


Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.


A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.


Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kriland's streets.


Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.

There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.

Morton Grove

You may not own a handgun


It is against the law to make faces at dogs.

Orland Prak

No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.


Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.

Park Ridge

Trucks may only park inside closed garages.


Basketball hoops may not be instaled on a driveway.


It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.

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