Writing Home With Ease
Dear Parent(s), Date:
I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.
Please send me:
__ Money (Cash) Amount: _____
__ Food (Cookies) Dozens: _____
__ Clean clothes!
__ I am in love with myself.
__ I am in love!
__ I am engaged.
__ I got married last weekend.
__ Worships the ground I walk on.
__ Gave me a black eye.
__ Committed suicide and left a note blaming me.
__ Has fleas.
My Professors are:
__ Sadistic water walkers.
__ Mental institution escapees.
__ Brain dead nerds.
__ Super oxygen thieves.
__ I wrecked the car.
__ I can't use your credit card because I exceeded the credit limit.
__ You are going to have a grandchild.
__ False alarm--you aren't going to have a grandchild.
__ Is great!
__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
__ I have had pizzas and soda for the last twenty meals.
__ I stopped eating out of fear.
__ I am making all A's
__ I am not being properly challenged
__ I will be home after this semester
__ I never knew they had a letter grade below F
__ Night and day
__ All the time
__ Eighty hours a week
__ Only on Sunday afternoon
__ None of the above
__ I read my Bible everyday
__ I can't read
__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at the local bar
On my last visit home, I left:
__ My glasses.
__ My paper that was due yesterday.
__ The clothes you washed for me.
__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment.
__ Other ____________________________.
Please send above items by FedEx (Priority One) or UPS (Blue).
__ My white underwear is now _______.
__ I am saving money by not using detergent.
__ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester.
__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains.
__ Can pass your "white glove" test.
__ Is only ___% full.
__ Could not be located last Saturday night.
__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training.
__ I don't inhale
__ I only go to meet people
__ Haven't been to one since this morning.
__ Miss me
__ Can live without me
__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence
__ Your Daughter,
__ Your Son,