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Writing Home With Ease

Dear Parent(s), Date:

I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.

Please send me:

__ Money (Cash) Amount: _____

__ Food (Cookies) Dozens: _____

__ Clean clothes!


__ What?

__ I am in love with myself.

__ I am in love!

__ I am engaged.

__ I got married last weekend.

My Roommate:

__ Worships the ground I walk on.

__ Gave me a black eye.

__ Committed suicide and left a note blaming me.

__ Has fleas.

My Professors are:

__ Sadistic water walkers.

__ Mental institution escapees.

__ Brain dead nerds.

__ Super oxygen thieves.

Latest News:

__ I wrecked the car.

__ I can't use your credit card because I exceeded the credit limit.

__ You are going to have a grandchild.

__ False alarm--you aren't going to have a grandchild.


__ Is great!

__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking

__ I have had pizzas and soda for the last twenty meals.

__ I stopped eating out of fear.


__ I am making all A's

__ I am not being properly challenged

__ I will be home after this semester

__ I never knew they had a letter grade below F

I study:

__ Night and day

__ All the time

__ Eighty hours a week

__ Only on Sunday afternoon

__ None of the above

Daily Devotions:

__ I read my Bible everyday

__ I can't read

__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at the local bar

On my last visit home, I left:

__ My glasses.

__ My paper that was due yesterday.

__ The clothes you washed for me.

__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment.

__ Other ____________________________.

Please send above items by FedEx (Priority One) or UPS (Blue).


__ My white underwear is now _______.

__ I am saving money by not using detergent.

__ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester.

__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains.

My room:

__ Can pass your "white glove" test.

__ Is only ___% full.

__ Could not be located last Saturday night.

__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training.


__ I don't inhale

__ I only go to meet people

__ Haven't been to one since this morning.

Hope you:

__ Miss me

__ Can live without me

__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence


__ Your Daughter,

__ Your Son,

__ Yours,