Illinois Jokes

Illinois Jokes

Illinois jokes and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

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Illinois Jokes

Illinois Jokes

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Dumb Illinois Laws

  • You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
  • You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
  • You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
  • The English language is not to be spoken.


  • Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
  • It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
  • Kites may not be flown within the city limits.
  • Spitting is forbidden
  • In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
  • It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.
  • It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.


  • One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.


  • Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.


  • Cars may not be driven through the town.

    Des Plaines

  • Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.


  • A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.


  • Bowling is forbidden.
  • It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
  • It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.


  • It is unlawful for "negroes" to be within county boundries from sundown to sunrise.


  • It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.


  • There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.


  • It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement officer.


  • Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced 'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable by a $5 fine.


  • A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.


  • Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kriland's streets.


  • Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.
  • There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.

    Morton Grove

  • You may not own a handgun


  • It is against the law to make faces at dogs.

    Orland Prak

  • No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling.


  • Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.

    Park Ridge

  • Trucks may only park inside closed garages.


  • Basketball hoops may not be instaled on a driveway.


  • It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other domesticated animals.


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